Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser!
When you are a people-pleaser, you desire to make everyone else around you happy. You get caught in the web of doing things you don’t want to just to avoid upsetting others. You make everyone else priority. It becomes an addictive behavior because it makes you feel good doing for others. It is a yearn feeling to be accepted by everyone; becoming obsessed with being liked.
People-pleasing can create damage to one self. It is pressure building up and stress boiling up inside, eventually you will need a release. Your commitment to pleasing others could cause restless nights. You are essentially draining all your energy; which can lead to feeling depressed.
Here are some tips to stop people pleasing and learning to say no guilt free:
You have the right to say no.
It is your choice, feel free to say no and don’t feel guilty about your choice.
Make yourself and the things you value a priority. It will make your decision-making easier because you will already know what is important to you.
Give yourself time
When asked to do something, remember that you can tell them to give you some time to think it over. This will provide an opportunity to think it over instead of saying yes right away. Often times you say yes out of impulse and then after the favor is complete, you are left with frustrations and regrets. Think it over and consider the pros and cons. You can still say no politely.
You need to establish boundaries. One boundary could be as simple as your availability. For instance, you will no longer answer calls after 7pm. This will help to elevate some stress and reduce guilt. Once you set your boundaries, remember that people will still try to push through them. It is up to you to redirect them and stand firm.
Create a saying for yourself
When you know it is hard for you to say no, you have to put wards (Harry Potter would be proud) in place. These wards can warn you as the person who always takes advantage approach you. For me, as soon as they approach, I visualize saying; “no thank you.” Once I have visualized it, if I must say it verbally then it is just that must easier. Remember practice makes perfect.
You don’t have to give an excuse
It’s hard, when you are used to saying yes. So when you first start saying no, you will feel the need to explain. You will provide feel like you are being mean or a jerk. But guess what, it’s ok to say no and even better you don’t owe an explanation. If that person truly loves you and have good intentions, they will understand.
Don’t apologize-you can’t save everyone
When you apologize, it is essentially giving an excuse/explanation. Don’t do it. Search inside and think about if you are to blame for the situation. If you are not, then why are should you apologize. Apologizing is just pushing more guilt on yourself therefore forcing you to overturn your decision. Say no and mean it.
Don’t be scare of their anger
So you said no and now the person is angry with you. “Anger is to self.” They are not angry with you, they are mad at their self. After all, they had a choice and why should you not have a choice as well. You may find out in these moments the people who truly value you. It does start with you valuing yourself. Teach people how to treat you by showing them how you treat yourself.
Are they worth your time?
It is impossible to save everyone. I am not telling you to not help others or to never say yes. When you choose yes, think about if the person will appreciate your efforts. How many times has this person manipulated you and then showed no appreciation afterwards? Evaluate the situation and decide if they are even worth your time and efforts.
You are important too.
As a people-pleaser you are want to keep the peace. The feeling of helping others is often temporary. You are at risk for hurt during this process. You cannot make others happy; it is up to them to find their own happiness. So put your energy into creating a peaceful and happy life.